hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
