he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
