I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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