my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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