She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How's work?
Spinning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
