Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
