Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
