He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
