At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
