This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
