Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
