Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize