Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
