And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
