Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
