she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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