i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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