Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
