I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
