you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
