What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
