i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
