look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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