Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
