Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
