Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
