The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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