her facebook's as public as her vagina
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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