Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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