it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
