I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
