My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
