the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
