I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
