I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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