I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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