went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
