yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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