We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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