3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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