Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
and you fell through a lawn chair
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
