her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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