I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
