We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
