I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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