I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What a dumb baby whore.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
