you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
