He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
