I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
