My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize