i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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