Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
