the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
