Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
