It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
