i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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