is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
