piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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