we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
