Kiss
Puke
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found a bag of teeth...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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