Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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