I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
