Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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