Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
