Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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