His pubic hair was longer than his dick
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
