just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is it because I queefed?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
