I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
