i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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