You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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